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How to Attract a Christian Spouse — Marriage Advice From a Christian Dad

Surprisingly, there are enormous differences between what potential grooms find attractive, and what potential brides find attractive. Understanding these basic principles can help explain how the mate selection process actually works.

What do godly men & women truly want in a spouse? I have reflected upon this question for well over two decades. As an Orthodox Christian Dad with a large number of children, both boys and girls, I have a direct interest in understanding what attracts godly individuals to those they are interested in marrying.

Lori Alexander's recent article, Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos, has generated a lot of discussion on this particular topic. The underlying arguments reveal that there is a lot more to the spouse selection process than just good character. Factors such as health, money, and good looks are also significant, even in cases where potential spouses are afraid to admit it. In this series of articles, we will explore the reasons why these other factors are so important, yet are so often unmentioned.

Surprisingly, other than a devout Christian character, there are enormous differences between what potential grooms find attractive, and what potential brides find attractive. Understanding these basic principles can help explain how the mate selection process actually works.

If you look at the middle row of your keyboard, you see the letters ASDFG

Women can improve themselves according to the Keyboard Model:

What a godly man looks for in a woman is . . .

  • Attractiveness
  • Submissiveness
  • Domesticity
  • Femininity
  • Godliness

Men can improve themselves according to the PSALMS Model:

What godly women look for in men is . . .

  • Power
  • Status
  • Athleticism
  • Looks
  • Money
  • Spirituality

I offer this second list with a hat tip to Donal Graeme, who proposed the majority of this model years ago (then known as LAMPS).

God willing, I will write articles on each of the elements for both men and women, providing definitions as to what each is and how they impact the search for a spouse.

The first four articles in this series are now available: 

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