Domesticity: Home Is Where Her Heart Is

A godly man wants his home to be a haven from the pressures and evils of the world. He is looking for a wife who will help create that haven.

Editor's note: In his introductory article — How to Attract a Christian Spouse - Marriage Advice From a Christian Dad — the author introduced the Keyboard Model for identifying the traits that most Christian men look for in a potential wife. The first two traits are attractiveness and submissiveness. This next article discusses the third trait, which is domesticity.


If you are a young lady hoping to find a good Christian husband, then it is important to be the sort of woman that he will find attractive. The Keyboard Model identifies six key traits which Christian men look for in a potential wife, and the third item on the list is domesticity.

"Every wise woman builds her house: but the foolish plucks it down with her hands." - Proverbs 14:1

King Solomon's Book of Proverbs is an excellent source for information about the incredible value of a domestically-oriented woman. One is struck with just how much trouble Solomon — the most powerful man in Israel — had with his wives. Many verses speak to the value of a home-centered woman. On the flip side, many verses also describe the sorrows of those who are "noisy and wanton", whose "feet are constantly in motion".

A woman has two choices. She can live for herself, in which case her actions will be like those rejected by Solomon. Or she can be a domestic queen, focusing on her household and its needs (cf. Proverbs 31) while rejecting the boisterousness that is anti-feminine in character (cf. Proverbs 14).

Godly men can discern quite easily which standard a woman has chosen.

For example, questions like these can be posed to godly women:

  • Do you know how to cook well?
  • Do you budget and economize in such a way that you can still keep house and make pleasing meals?
  • Do you know how to clean, and are you diligent enough to keep up with it? 
    Or do you allow the home to be a source of disorder (causing men to desire being elsewhere)?
  • Do you have skills in feminine arts like sewing, crocheting, or cross-stitching? 

All of these traits are valuable to a godly man, who wants his home to be a haven from the pressures and evils of the world, and to make it a place where he and all his children delight to be.

A domestic married woman is easily spotted — her house is where all her children, as well as her children's friends, constantly yearn to be. It is a place of faith, peace, laughter, warmth, and joy.

Men marrying women who reject domesticity have cold, sterile homes. Instead of a home, they merely live in a house that is more like a hotel, just a place to stay in between other, seemlingly-more-important activities.

Godly men reject such a way of living out-of-hand. They look for women who delight in staying home to read together, sing, play board games, and enjoy other home-based activities. The domestic soul is not obsessed with constantly leaving home, going clubbing, dancing, or attending concerts.

Home is where the heart is. Godly men know this and eagerly desire it.

If you want to find and marry a godly man, then strive to be the heart of your future home.

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In the first two articles, we focused on physical attractiveness and submissiveness. In this third article, we discussed domesticity. In the following article, we will focus on femininity, which is the next item in the Keyboard Model:

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As you read this series of articles, it is important to remember that these attributes are not guarantees of finding a godly spouse. Rather, these are the general rules (usually unspoken & unwritten) that drive attraction between men and women.

Over the years, I have heard countless sad stories from Christian men and women who struggle in their searches for a spouse, and unfortunately, many of them simply don't seem to understand the key factors that cause godly men and women to be attracted to one another.

There are normal and natural considerations which are largely (although not entirely) under your control. Thus, if you understand what these considerations are, there are various choices you can make, in order to increase your own relative attractiveness as a potential marriage partner. Understanding these things, and working on these things, can make it easier for you to find a godly spouse.

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