Attractiveness: Beauty Is Not Just On the Inside

Editor's note: In his introductory article — How to Attract a Christian Spouse - Marriage Advice From a Christian Dad — the author introduced the Keyboard Model for identifying the traits that most Christian men look for in a potential wife. This article discusses the first trait, which is physical attractiveness. 

A woman's physical attractiveness is the most immediate and pressing point of interest to most men. Morally and spiritually, this can be quite dangerous — we all know very attractive women whose spiritual lives are a mess — but attractiveness itself is central to attraction by most men (whether godly or not).

A young lady may be a devout Christian, but if she is not physically attractive, the vast majority of men will pass her over. 

Men — godly men — are keenly interested in the physical nature & attributes of their wives-to-be. Since there is so much propaganda around the idea that women's looks are secondary or don't really matter, it is necessary to reiterate this.

A woman's attractiveness has at least three key aspects:

1) Youth

This is the most important and possibly most underrated element. 

The average 18 year old woman will receive a great deal of attention and interest due to her physical beauty, driven substantially by the flower of her youth. She will receive more attention at this time of her life than most males (even handsome ones) will receive at any age. 

American culture is very hostile towards even acknowledging the natural male attraction to beautiful, young women. Men are created by God to be attracted to young, fertile women, so while societal shame (and sometimes legal proscription) can repress this, it will never be truly successful, and it only masks the underlying reality.  

Significant numbers of women now delay serious romantic interest well into their 20s, 30s and even 40s, when their youth and corresponding attractiveness (including child-bearing ability) is significantly impaired. Godly men want godly offspring, and the later women wait to commit, the greater the chances that they will not be able to have any children at all.

In short: All else being equal, a younger woman is a more attractive woman.

2)  Grooming & Clothing

Long hair is traditionally considered more feminine and attractive, as opposed to short styles involving the "pixie cut" or partially/completely buzzed hair. 

Those who wear modest but beautiful clothing are more attractive than those who wear indecent, sexually-charged, and otherwise revealing outfits.

Women are less attractive when they wear 'potato sacks', slovenly clothing, or clothing that is androgynous, showing no vibrancy and no intention of appearing feminine. 

Women of moderate attractiveness can significantly increase their beauty by dressing simply, in a style that highlights femininity. Clothing does not have to be expensive, and certainly should not be revealing, but it is a primary way that the vast majority of women can easily make themselves more attractive to the average godly man. 

This element ties into femininity which I will discuss in a future article.

3)  Weight

This is a third aspect of attractiveness. Even devout Christian women can be extremely reactive when godly men explain that they prefer a woman who is thin.

Note that the definition of "thin" changes a bit from culture to culture. Asian cultures have a very narrow view of "thin", while Hispanic cultures lean towards a more curvy style. If a woman has preferences as to the race of the man she wises to marry, then she may need to address the cultural standards of beauty that make her more likely to be seen as attractive by that man.

In both cases cited above, the cultural differences in body type are only modest differences — the women in question are not severely overweight. The blunt reality is that a larger woman will face a much greater challenge in seeking a future spouse. They may be passed over by a large number of godly men.

[NOTE: Since Orthodox Christianity is universal, a preference for a particular race is just that - an individual preference. Mixed-race marriages work exceptionally well within Orthodoxy due to our common true identity, as fellow Orthodox Christians who are the New Israel.]

Since American society doesn't allow men to say most of these things without severe social punishment, you will rarely hear this critical piece of truth from most men or women.

Most of the principles discussed here are under your control. If you pay careful attention to these things, you are more likely to be successful at attracting a potential husband.

___________________________________

In this first article, we focused on physical attractiveness. In the next three articles, we will discuss submissiveness, domesticity and femininity, which are the next items in the Keyboard Model:

• Submissiveness: Why Christian Husbands Find It So Attractive
• Domesticity: Home Is Where Her Heart Is
• Femininity: Celebrating the God-Given Differences Between Men & Women

___________________________________

As you read this series of articles, it is important to remember that these attributes are not guarantees of finding a godly spouse. Rather, these are the general rules (usually unspoken & unwritten) that drive attraction between men and women.

Over the years, I have heard countless sad stories from Christian men and women who struggle in their searches for a spouse, and unfortunately, many of them simply don't seem to understand the key factors that cause godly men and women to be attracted to one another.

There are normal and natural considerations which are largely (although not entirely) under your control. Thus, if you understand what these considerations are, there are various choices you can make, in order to increase your own relative attractiveness as a potential marriage partner. Understanding these things, and working on these things, can make it easier for you to find a godly spouse.